I have no horse.

Many Christians can point to the salvation moment, that single point in time when they were reborn in the spirit, their own Damascus road experience.  I've told the simple version of the story before. Mine was not a single moment but a long process in which I stubbornly held onto the reins against loved ones and circumstances as they repeatedly swung at me like branches and pushed and scrapped at me like a thick forest brush.  I clung steadfastly to my high horse insisting I was too smart for religion.  Then like slowly waking from a dream that seem so very real I began to realize that there was no horse beneath me.  I was just in the thick brush clinging to nothing but my own pride.

I never have expounded on that description, perhaps because no audience has asked me to, or more likely, that I nor any audience cared for the sharing of uncomfortable details.  Since all the specific incidents are really far too numerous due to my painfully slow learning curve, I will continue to spare us both of much of it.  Those who love me can share story after story to attest to my stubbornness.  I was always the cynic and looked for the rational explanation dismissing everything as coincidence.

From a young age I was curious about the meaning of life and why we are all here.  I felt that I could really only trust myself and my own reasoning. I thought I could find the answers to life's questions if they could be found.  I had been jaded by all the contradictions and hypocrisy of religious organizations. All the church had proven to me is that they could not possibly hold the answers.  I considered all philosophies though finding at least some truth in most of them, but none held the whole truth.  None held an explanation of everything that could stand up to reason, (my reason.)  I had pretty  much resigned myself to the idea that there was no answer, that we as humans, could not possibly ever know the meaning of life.

So you see then the picture of me, like Saul, on my high horse striking down the Christians in my life, trampling over anything or anyone who could not stand up to my reasoning.  Then see me knocked from my horse, albeit much much more slowly, and even mercifully stricken blind for a while so that I would not immediately see that path that I had wrought. Now you may see me as if I am still riding high but I can assure you that if it appears so, it is because His grace has lifted me just out of reach of the daemons of regret that would devour me as I look back at all the hurt I have caused my loved ones and worse, the deeply trodden path I've made that cause others to fall into the same footsteps.

As for as picturing me like Paul, you may, in that once I released my reliance on my own reasoning, I now have a much greater understanding of the meaning of life than I even thought was possible.  And like with Paul, God uses every single situation in my life to continue to grow that understanding and knowledge of Him, albeit much much more slowly.

Dimensions of God’s Love

What is love?  We each have experienced at least some kind of love in our lives, be it love between a man and a woman or such partners, love between a parent and child, the love between friends or love of family.  We are all capable of many types of love and may have many loved ones in our life.  If we were to lose a loved one or even if we are just missing one of these many types of love in our own lives, there is emptiness that is felt.  It’s like a hole in your heart, a void that longs to be filled. You feel it no matter how you want to avoid it or try to fill the void with other things.  There is still the longing.  We may have a little love in our lives or even a lot of love and yet there is still a longing.  It’s like there is at least one hole yet to fill.

Now consider the image of God in which you were made.  If we as men and women are capable of love for many, how much more is The Creator of the universe capable of?  So if we expand what we know of love to infinity, we begin to imagine God’s Love!  If you cannot quite imagine this sort of infinite love think of it this way:  You probably know what it feels like to have that one void in your heart.  Then surely I say before there was you, God felt the same desire to love you.

Longing for Love & the Meaning of Life

Everyone has a built in longing for Love. When young and foolish, we often confuse it with lust. It takes satisfying at least one of them to know they are not one in the same. In fact, the longing for Love leaves all other pursuits in the dust, for it is this longing that is the reason for being. Well that sounds so trite, "reason for being." I don't mean just a reason to get out of bed or just the spice of life, rather I mean it is the very meaning of life.
Now let me qualify; the Love I speak of, it is not just the best friend love or family love or even just the "I'll lay down my life for you" love. All very important and valuable sorts of love to be sure. I'm talking about The Love, and unless you've had it you only know the longing. It's really the ultimate combination of all sorts of love and what's more important it's returned. To be clear, this Love is unconditional. It is given abundantly without any anticipation of reciprocation and yet the smallest gesture of Love in return brings overwhelming joy.
Back to the meaning of life. This is where it gets rather heady but we are talking the meaning of life. Let's go back to the beginning. God is creative and he's created beings before, Angels even, so God has company but he's still longing for something. He's longing for Love, The Love. So how does one go about creating a being that can overwhelm it's creater? You parents know the answer to this one. That's right create a little you! He made us in His image, to have all the same characteristics, the same longings. Now wait, we are not all powerful all knowing... Well no. That's impossible. Think of it. All powerful, all knowing pretty much means only one. So what's the next best thing? Full autonomy!
Okay here's where I try to tie this up in a neat bow. (Pretty ambitious I know, after all it's just Love & the meaning of life!) The thing that makes The Love overwhelming when it is returned is that you don't expect it. How's God going to get that? Simple, like a wealthy person or royalty might conceal this information so as not to taint the courtship, God offers evidence of His Love but no proof even of His existence. So that's it, the reason we are all here, the reason I am here, the reason you are here, to Love God. Still don't understand? Well, answer this: Have you found Love or are you still longing? Want to know more? I have just The Book.